50 things I'm thankful for and 5 things that I'm not

Hello readers!

I hope this blog reaches you all in great happiness and health on this Thanksgiving. Speaking of: Happy Thanksgiving! The holiday is very dear to my heart, namely because of how close it is to my birthday. Yesterday I turned 18: and now I am an adult…legally, that is. Until I can open child-lock medicine bottles on my own, I cannot say that I have matured into my adulthood. (Cough, Cough: I'm sick. Not addicting to pills. Just want to put that out there.) (Wow, that makes it seem like I am addicted: but for real: I just have a some evil satan flu. No need for worrying).

SO THANKSGIVING: a time to give thanks---- a time to look back at this year and appreciate all the goodness that has befallen us. I personally, had a very interesting and productive year, so I thought I would try and accumulate all the thanks I had into a handy-dandy "little" list for you. But of course: there is a twist! (mwhaha). Although I think we all have things to be thankful for, I also would like to take this time to air out some grievences Festivus style: and compose a list of things that I am very not thankful for. These are things that I hope to see changed by the next thanksgiving, as well as in my opinion ways that we can improve these things before next year.

Let's get to it, by starting off with the negative. After all, who doesn't love a pessimist!

5 THINGS I AM NOT THANKFUL FOR 

#1: The Ferguson Situation. 
Now normally, I would say that violence solves all problems because all questions can be answered with a fist to the face. And I say this as a joke, because VIOLENCE IS NEVER THE ANSWER. Weather it be the violent reaction over the case, or the violence that started the case in the beginning: the abuse in Ferguson is too much to handle. I am all for the protest of this case: I think what happened was a horrible misuse of power and several people need to be accounted for that aren't: however, I do not support setting cars on fire  or the looting of convent stores. I think some people are using the case as an excuse to do whatever they want, and that is desecrating to the memory of Michael Brown, the boy who was shot down and killed by cop Darren Wilson. There are several things going on that I think ARE bringing change: such as the smaller protest of people who are occupying street corners for 4 and a half minutes to represent the 4 and a half hours in which his body lay in the street.
By next year I hope to see that the situation in Ferguson has settled, and Michael Brown's family can find some sort of justice. Because I was not there and because I do not have the authority to pass judgement on exactly what happened: I cannot say weather or not Darren Wilson will or should be put in jail. However I will say this: I strongly believe that anyone on a police force should have to wear a camera on them while on the job. This not only protects people from the police who abuse their power, but this also protects the officers from wrongful accusations of misconduct on the force. Hopefully by next year we will se some movements in that direction.

#2: The Fact That Thanksgiving Is Built On The Opression of The Native American Culture.
We all know the story: the pilgrims landed on Plymouth rock, became best bro's with the natives next door and then they sat down, murdered a turkey together, and lived happily ever after setting a tradition of watching football and eating until our pants need to be un-buttoned with family forward for the rest of our days until we all die in the zombie apocalypse. WELL they left out a few details. For example, they don't tell you about how the pilgrims pushed the Native Americans out of their lands, and waged horrible war on their crops, and abused their priviliges by taking advantage of their medicine and herbs while stealing their culture and forcing them to assimilate into a "civilized" manner. The original Pocahontas was forced into a marriage with a white man John Rolfe, then sent back to England to be shown off as a rare-oddity and entertainment for the Kings and Dukes in the area(s). Sadly, there is nothing we can do to change the past, so hopefully in the future we will just become more aware of our roots and learn from them and place more importance in understanding and respecting of the Native American cultures. In short: white people are horrible. (I would know: I am one of them).

#3: The Misunderstanding of Understanding.
Okay. That sounds a bit vague, but hey: it sounds better than 'people suck because they don't understand or respect feminism and constantly devalue it in our culture'. Let's get one thing straight world: You don't need to be female to be a feminist. You need to be a person. That's it. Feminism, is defined as the collection of movements and ideologies aimed at defining, establishing, and defending equal political, economic, cultural, and social rights for all sexes. In our society it is looked down upon to be a feminist. Celebrities have to come out on weather of not they are feminist or not, and what REALLY grinds my gears is when they make it a point to say that they aren't feminist---- which is stupid, because that's like saying you are a plant but you don't support the act of photosynthesis. It is a necessary way of life: Respect, understanding and tolerance makes the world a functioning and livable place for all----and that is all that feminism is trying to achieve. So please, Shailene Woodley, Pharrel Williams, Kelly Clarkson, Katy Perry, Gwyneth Paltrow, and sadly so many more: please understand that it's okay to be a feminist. You are all strong women (minus Pharrel, unless there is something he's not telling us) in your own right, but when you say that you aren't a feminist it diminishes your own accomplishments as well as those of the ladies around you. Feminism is not about hating men or raising women over men--- its about find equality for all sexes and genders. Feminism isn't dead, so we need to stop treating it like it is. We need to acknowledge its existence and its need in our society: we need more people coming forward and pushing for feminism (shout out to all you celebritiy advocates: Beyonce, Benedict Cumberbatch, Amy Pohler, Ellen Page: luckily, the list is very long so I can't list you all but know that I appreciate and love each and everyone on of you. Especially you, Mr. Cumberbatch. You rock). Point Blank: Feminism.


#4: The lack of LGBTQIA voices in media. 
So this one is changing very rapidly with the introduction of shows like "Modern Family" and "Glee" as well as "Orange is The New Black" have been raising the ratings on members of the LGBTQIA community. I'm glad to start seeing it more, but its just not enough. When you think of the LGBTQIA spectrum: I think a few people only know the first two: Lesbian and Gay. Where are our transexuals, our intersexuals, and our a-sexuals? True there are a few documentaries about a-sexual lifestyle: but nothing mainstream. However, I am happy to hear that shows like "Transparent" and "The T-word" are going to be airing which is talking about the physical and emotional transition of switching gender. I think that these stories are important, and lesbian and gay stories are important as well: but  I think we need to include everyone if we are going to help everyone. Make sense? So: next year: more LGBTQIA's. Yes.

#5: #RapeCulture
A culture that thrives off of the suppression and oppression of others is not a culture I want to be involved with. We are in a culture that not only feeds off of putting others down (statistically women) but also tolerates this heinous act and even promotes it. In our ads, in our homes, and in our schools: we    actively advocate for the maltreatment of women and people in lesser places of power. Its not (only) that men are constantly trying to "put us down" through street harassment, cat-calling (same thing), and being blamed for provoking rape: its not only from one gender to another but it's also from one gender to one another. Holy-internalized-mysoginy- Batman! Our cultured is FUCKED UP. As a woman, I constantly find myself realizing that I put other women down daily without meaning it. When I compliment someone, its always at another's expense. "Wow, ____ you look so good. I wish I could look like that". "You look like a bad bitch". "You and that dress were made for each other: I could never pull that off". Whats wrong with just a compliment. "You look nice". Or complimenting yourself, for that matter. It's almost an excuse or an apology every time I try to say something nice about myself. When I say something I like people are always like "Wow, you're humble, aren't you".
I love my butt.
There, I said it.
It's awesome. And I shouldn't have to apologize for being okay with my body.
Our culture tries to break us emotionally and physically by forcing us to live by other peoples beauty standards: And I'm not having it.
By next year, I want to see our culture make some changes: realizing that hey: I'm walking down the street not because I want to get screamed at by some drunk guy, but because I have somewhere to be. That when I give you and or myself a compliment there is no, "buts" or "sorry's" or "excuses" afterwards. I want to pick up a magazine and see people of different, sizes, genders, races and ethnicity. I want to see a culture that addresses the problem, rather then dismissing the person who brings the problem up. Its not the victim's fault. The taut is that there is a victim in the first place. RapeCulture needs to end.



Well, now that I got that off my chest:I think I should start listing a few things I am thankful for. (Thank you to those who stayed as long as you have: I know this blog is un-neccisarily naggy and long. haha). WARNING: this list will easily get  preachy, silly and stupid, and a bit weird: but these are things I am truly thankful for. (In no particular order, of course).

50 THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR

#1. My Education. 

Not my schooling. Not the classes i'm taking. Education is the retention of knowledge. I learn something knew everyday, and I don't always learn it in school. I learn it from the people around me. And I am thankful for the fax that every day brings a new fact to learned, and new truth to be heard, and a new question and a new answer to be found every day. 

#2. My Family. 

I never really appreciated my family until I moved away to college. Love you Mom and Dad. <3 

#3. My Friends. 

I know I could have put family and friends---but seriously. I have to list 100 of these things--- I don't have time for that. TO MY FRIENDS: thank you for dealing with my shit. There's no other way to phrase it. 

#4. My Activism. 
I never thought I would associate myself with the word "activist". I've always admired people who advocate for change and physically pursuit, but I never saw myself as someone with the means of doing that. I can't tell you how humbled I am to hear that people are reading what I am writing and that I am affecting change: that what I am doing is actively pursuing a better and brighter and more open and free future for everyone--- that is something so many people want and I want to work with everyone on an individual and global scale: I just love making change and helping out where I can. This blog gave me that. The cause is greater than I am, and I am grateful for it.

#5. S.O.U.P.
"I like Soup. I also like The Student Organized Undergraduate Playwrights." (Erik Rhamsey, BFA Professor at Ohio University). I stand by that statement. While at Ohio, SOUP has been a parent to me-- helping me as a first year writer and allowing me to produce my play The Theory of Everything.  They are awesome and I am thankful for their existence. May you continue to exist for many a year to come.

#6. Barbra Streisands Latest Album "Duets".
Have you hear it? It's amazing. She's amazing. Barbra Streisand.

#7. The Harley Quinn Comic Series (2013- today).
As much as I hate the New 52 version of Harley Quinn, her individual comic series, which is secular to the New-52 Suicide Squad: is amazing. Written and Drawn by mostly women, it adds humor to the horror, and viva versa. A funny girl and a force to be reckoned with: Harley Quinn is a character to watch out for.

#8. The Right to Wear Pants. 
I don't like wearing pants, but I like the right to wear pants. Women have come so far in the aspect of clothing: and I am super thankful for the right to show ankles, never even mind my legs. #Pants

#9. The Right to Write this Blog. 
I am thankful for the freedom of speech and the opportunity to express myself.

#10. Batman: The Animated Series App. 
Every Episode of the best cartoon ever for free on my phone? Helllll yessss!!!!!

#11. Fativism.
As defined by me: it is the activism against body hatred. Not only for fat girls, or even girls, but for everyone who has ever been called fat or has thought themselves fat---so everyone. Body Love.

#12. CATS. 

#13. MY CATS. 

This is Schrodinger.

This is Paris.

#14. THIS CAT. 

This cat's name is Princess Monster Truck….. my true love. <3

#15. Every South Park Episode. 
South Park talks about things that aren't necessarily talked about. And by talk I mean shouts, sings, blows up, etc. South Park is pushing the limits of comedy and culture and I stand by the artistry and the satire of it all.

#16. MCVTS School of The Arts. 
I would not be who I am today without this school. I spent the best four years of my life there, and I wish I could spend another four (just kidding: college).
The school is raising voices and giving opportunity to youthful new actors, directors, writers, and techies---- I became a generally goodish person there. I owe everything to them, and I am truly thankful for their continuation of support for the arts and for my art.

#17. Rani Crowe.
Rani Crowe has single-handedly helped me so much since I've been at Ohio University. She is an amazing educator, advisor, artist, and person. I am very thankful for her existence.

#18. The Invention of The Internet. 
THE INTERNET. THANK BUDDAH.

#19. Alcohol. 
….Not that I drink alcohol…whaaaatttttttt………

#20. Benedict Cumberbatch. 
He acts.
He acts in Brittish accents.
He acts in not Brittish accents.
He acts as a detective.
He acts as a dragon.
He acts as a genetically modified sociopathic human-alien-thing with super blood.
He is…..
Benedict Cumberbatch.
<3
<3
<3
I am thankful for his acting skills, the fact that he is way more than a pretty face, and that he is an all around top notch specimen of humanity. <3

#21. Sundays. 
The ice-cream type and the day. Sundays have become my favorite day of the week ever since I've been at the university. On Sundays I get up early and play board games with some fellow geeks. Its my un-wind time, and I have the most fun I've had in my entire life. From Star Trek: Catan, to Decent, to Red Dragon Inn: Sundays rock, and so do my fellow boardgames. Game on, nerds. Game on.

#22. This Video. 

#23. The Fact that I went from This (2010): 

#24. To This (2014). 

#25. This List is Almost Over! (Half Way---woot woot!)

#26. The Rocky Horror Picture Show. 
I don't dream it. I be it.

#27. Feminism and Fashion. 
I recently discovered Sandhya Garg through Project Runway. The first thing I saw from her was a screen-printed dress made of middle-fingers, because she "wants (her) clothes to say what some many women can't". I think mixing feminism and fashion is a great idea, and that a strong woman shouldn't be in mens clothing: a strong woman she be in her own clothing that she rocks. Women are strong and she is strong, and I full support her in her career as a designer.

http://www.sandhyagarg.com/press

#28. Pianos. 
I am very thankful for music, and for the skills I have worked hard to acquire. I am thankful for being pushed to practice, because now I am a focused person. I am a (somewhat) skilled musician, and the piano gives me pleasure, and I hope to please people with what I play.

#29. Every Queen Song Ever Written. Ever. 
Because Freddie Mercury.

#30. My Women & Gender Studies Class. 
My favorite class so far has been my Women and Gender Studies class because it keeps me aware of my past, present, and future as a feminist. It allows me to really understand how the world works, and sometimes I hate how it works--- but it also gives me the tools to change how it does and I am forever thankful for those tools to effect change.

#31. "Fight Like A Girl" by Megan Seely
This started off as an assigned reading, but quickly became one of my favorite books. i'm so happy that I read it: it really opened my eyes, and I highly suggest you read it as well. =)

#32. The Fact That I Don't Live With My Parents Anymore. 
I think I love and respect my parents more because I don't live with them. I have my space to clean up, and its forced me to mature in ways I didn't expect it to. I am very thankful for that.

#33. The Comeback of "I Like Big Butts" By Sir Mix-o-Lot
Let's get one thing straight. I cannot stand the "Anaconda" song by Nicki Manaj, because it destroys this good song. this great song. Its my butt. It's big. I like it. I cannot lie. It was one of the first songs I think about when I think of redefining beauty. It literally changed the way our culture sees…butts! We are a culture obsessed with booty. I am thankful for this booty. Sir Mix-o-lot just gets me, man. <3

#34. I'm a Legal Adult. 
It's crazy, but I am a legal adult. 18. And I am so thankful to have the right to vote and to use my voice to it's fullest extent.

#35. The Right to Vote. 
Hey! Speaking of voting…. #HilaryForPresident

#36. COSPLAY.
All the cosplay. All the time.

#37. The Recent Discovery of My Love for Pokemon. 
With the current dowload of Pokemon Red to my phone, I (re)discovered how much I love pokemon. It awoke the inner 7 year old within me, and I love being serious and professional, but sometimes I need to sit down and battle my nemesis "AssHat" and destroy his Rapidash with my Ivysaur.

#38. My Prom Dress. 
I know its superficial, but I like frilly dresses. Sue me.

#39. My Prom Date. 
I had a lovely prom experience, and that was mainly because I went with my then boyfriend Calvin. Although it didn't work out in the end, he is a wonderful person and a wonderful friend. I wouldn't trade him for the world. He made this a wonderful year for me, and I am so thankful to have him as a part of my life.

#40. Spoken Word Poetry. 
I love finding new ways to express myself and spoken-word poetry is one of them. I love performance and spoken word is my outlet. I'm very thankful to have it in my life, and to see it effect so many people in theirs.

#41. The Education Project Music Score. 
To be honest, I'm thankful that it's over. Over the summer I locked myself away in my room and wrote all 42 pages of "The Education Project" down (music wise). It took me an entire summer and I worked my butt off composing it. I am thankful to share the experience with MCVTS School of Arts and with those who came to see it. Education is an important topic in today's society, and I'm thankful for the chance to add on to the conversation.

#42. BuzzFeed Journalism.
Buzzfeed is life.

#43. Donkey Coffee. 
I used to be a tea-girl. Then I came to college. Point is: Coffee.

#44. Fuzzy Socks. 
I'm grasping at straws here, but socks that are fluffy---they keep my feet warm during 11:00pm rehearsal. I'm thankful for that.

#45. Robes that go WOOSH when I walk fast. 
If you can't tell now I'm REALLY grasping at straws, but when robes do that I just feel like a super hero/villain-----mostly villain. mwahahaha……

#46. Face-Off.
I love this show because it gives make-up artists who do AMAZING work an outlet. They make movie monsters and gods for a living---HOW COOL IS THAT!?!?! Plus, this years season was amazingly amazing…. just utterly jaw-dropping.

#47.  The Casting of Harley Quinn in The Suicide Squad Movie. 
It's the simple things in life that make me happy---like getting the casting of my favorite comic book character right for her first ever big screen appearance. <3

#48. That I live in A Country When I can do What I do (and Generally Get Paid For It Sometimes). 
So I'm an artist, and I'm already committed to being a hobo---but I am thankful for the opportunity to produce art without censorship. I am thankful for the opportunity to collaborate and create my own work. I am thankful for all the artists who work with me, who watch me, and who I inspire. Art is the fuel that I run off of, and I am thankful that I have a lot of gas and and trigger-ready pedal foot and a long road ahead of me.

#49. That I live. 
I am thankful for the fact that I exist, and that I am alive. I am a strong believe in there being a difference between being alive and living. I am alive, and I am so so so very thankful for that every day.


and finally.

#50. The People Who Make an Effort to Change The World. My Viewers. My Supports. 
I am so thankful for each and every person who reads my blog. I know its silly, because Im just sharing my stories of who I am and the life I live--- but I think its important, because I think I'm important--- everyone is. We all have a story to share, and that's one thing I hope to inspire. I want people to start sharing their experiences with me. We can create a web of experiences and enclose over our society and change it for the better.


So this year was a triumph, hopefully next year will be as well.

Have a happy thanksgiving,
and I'll see you all later!



-Hayley

The Fear of Writing Other: The Difference Between Seeing and Hearing Diversity

“People are terrified to write about other. It’s scary.” (Crowe, 11/10/2014). They often don’t discuss diversity, and in worse case scenarios don't even acknowledges its existence or importance. One could make the argument that we are in an era of diverse stories, plays, and other such media; however, there is a severe lack in sexual, racial, and economic minority tales being told. There is an abundance of epic male action movies, a heap of heteronormative love stories, and one-to-many-for-my-liking dramas about the lifestyles of yore. The issue is not in the fact that these stories exist, but rather that there is a lack of anything that diverts from this track of everyday socio-stereotypical tales. Until artists start to self-produce their own sundry stories; our artistic culture will not progress.

            Before we can begin talking about advancing, we have to understand how far we have already come as a society when it comes to diversity and art.

" Coining the phrase 'the political is personal, the personal is political', the second wave of women's movement championed to the fight to bring recognition to women's lives, arguing that our collective experience is a legitimate part of the American experience." (Seely, Chapter 2 Page 42).

            The second wave of feminism, 1960's-1990's, was a time of huge growth for artists; specifically in marginal communities. Going hand and hand with the civil rights movement and the equal wage movement, the second wave crashed on society's shore and washed over its sandy banks of white-washed feminism. Born from the second wave was the Chicana movement, the womanist movement, and Title XI. It was the era of Wendy Wasserstein, Tina Howe, and Westbeth Playwrights Feminist Collective Theatre. There still is a decent sized following in all women’s theatre today: however they seem to be receiving less and less mainstream attention. The shows are still running, but no is coming to see them; mainly, because no one has heard of them. So that leaves the one-woman show with an audience of four, and this pushes women farther and farther away from a sustainable career in the arts. Of course, by now our culture is familiar with the tale of the unhappy housewife or the story of the repressed darling dame, something in which I have dubbed “The Nora Effect”. From the era of Ibsen to today: women have not changed in plays, but only our perception of them. The strong woman has finally become a stereotype.

“The role of stereotypes is to make visible the invisible, so that there is no danger of it creeping up on us unawares; and to make fast, firm and spate what is in reality fluid and much closer to the norm than the dominant value system cares to admit”. (Dyer, Page 16).  

            The proud ladies of plays have fallen prey to this definition.  Their iconic radical look has forever been etched into our culture’s mind and has divided the gender into two types of equally painful pigeonholes. On one side of the binary, there is the radical feminist with her “bossy” attitude and her “screw men” monologues that leave nothing but busted balls and dust in her wake. She is empowered, but she is always on her own. On the other side is the submissive lady who always leans upon her peers and her lover, never truly wanting or needing for herself. This binary that our culture has created leaves out a mass majority of women, those being the gals who identify as LGBTQ; those who are survivors of domestic-abuse; and those who are currently in a physical position of suppression whether it be due to location or religion or any other interlocking system of oppression. As a culture we are very well aware of the female plight; thanks to third wave feminist groups such as F*ckRapeCulture, The Third Wave Foundation, and The March for Women’s Lives; and we attempt to encapsulate it on the screen and on the stage. We are striving for strong female roles in our entertainment industry. The problem here is this: Why do we search for the stereotype of a strong woman, rather than just writing a woman who is strong? This extends far beyond gender as well. We look for tales to fill our “diversity quota”, but when we search for these stories we only search for one type.

“My friend Neff. Who is an African American film maker--- and I have really interesting conversations with him. He told me he doesn’t want to be seen as an African American film maker. He doesn’t want to make things about African American people. He just wants to make movies! He always points out that there are a lot of African American actors that I like, and he goes ‘of course you do! You like Morgan Freeman and Viola Davis, who are always playing roles that are friendly to the white person. The helper, non-threatening roles’ and he’s pointed that out to me, and I don’t see that without it being pointed out to me. And when he pointed it out, I started seeing it. And the problem isn’t with these specific stories per se, the problem is is that those are the only stories. There aren’t enough voices being heard”. (Crowe, 11/10/2014).

            There isn’t a sudden drought of female artists, or those who are racial and sexual minorities--- so why is it that we aren’t hearing about them more? For this, I openly blame the producers, the board of directors, and those who have the position to choose what is seen and heard. In a survey taken in November of 2012, it was reported that 67% of Board Directors jobs were occupied by men; Artists Directors took up 64%. Only 24% of directors employed by theatres during 2011-2012 were women. (Sedghi, TheGaurdian.com). It is a cycle of oppression, where the people in power keep the power to those alike them: normally, white-heterosexual-upper-middle-class men in their mid to late 40’s. Men are not the source root of all evil, but it is shown throughout history that often times men will hand down power to other men, just as women would to women. We need to start looking at qualifications, rather than the qualitative nature of gender and sex.

“There are a lot of women coming into the arts, I don’t think that’s the problem. I think that women getting roles that are artistic director, director, or female driven plays- female written plays: that’s what I want to see happen. Its not that there aren’t enough women here, its that there aren’t enough women being heard: in the position of power, to choose what to be seen and produced. To get more women in power, we sometimes need to take a creative woman and place her in an administrative place and that’s also taking away her power to create. That’s difficult.” (Crowe, 11/102014).

However, not all is lost. We are starting to draw attention to this major issue in our society through film, theatre, and other such media. Films like The Life and Times of Rosie The Riveter, that document the untold stories of “five former ‘Rosies’ who movingly recall their histories working in Detroit, Los Angeles, New York, and San Francisco.” (Clarity Films). Plays as well have joined in on bring light to such a dark subject. Plays like The Vagina Monologues by Eve Ensler and Anton In Show Business by Jane Martin; who discuss what it is to be a woman in theatre as well as discuss the different ways women are viewed in media. However these are only a few plays in a sea of media that is only viewed in monochromatic shades. These plays pose a question and give us no answer. They open up the conversation, and it is up to us as a culture to converse.

            “T-ANNE:…If I didn’t do the plays that offended my color or politics or sex or religion or taste, I’d be shit out of work.” (Martin, Page 32).

            It is up to us to share our unique stories and follow in the footsteps of our second-wave mothers. We must start a new flood of accounts, anecdotes, narratives, and novels and swim in a pool of diversity that we must create.  

“People are terrified to write about other. It’s scary. If you’re a man and you want to write a strong female character? You try and you get it wrong, I bet there will be ten women in your class telling you how you got it wrong… or if you’re middle-class and writing about Detroit’s economic crumble: you are gonna find people telling you that you don’t know and questioning your right to write about it. We want more roles and representation, but at the same time the people who are writing are scared because of they don’t get it right, it’s just as big as a foul of not getting it at all. So we need to encourage the inclusion of people: more representation. (Crowe, 11/10/2014).

We are scared to write other, but I think the time has come for us to stop being afraid.

Bibliography: Works Cited

Crowe, Rani. Interview by Hayley Michelle Trachtenberg. 10 Nov. 2014.

Dyer, Richard. "The Role of Stereotypes." The Matter of Images: Essays on Representation (1993): 11-18. Print.

Martin, Jane. Anton In Show Business. New York: Samuel French, 2000. Print.

Phenix, Lucy, dir. The Life and Times of Rosie The Riveter. Prod. Connie Field. Clarity Films, 1980. Film.

Sedghi, Ami. "Women in Theatre: How the '2:1 Problem' Breaks Down." The Guardian 10 Dec. 2012: n. pag. Web. 16 Nov. 2014. <http://www.theguardian.com/news/datablog/2012/dec/10/women-in-theatre-research-full-results>.

Seely, Megan. Fight Like A Girl: How to be a Fearless Feminist. New York: New York.

It's A Man's, Man's, Man's World: A Rant About How I Am Not A Man

Sometimes I wake up and I forget that I'm a woman.

Sometimes I crawl out of bed, put my pants on, and go through the streets of my university and think about the weather; or what class I'm about to be late for; or even the tiniest thing, like how a leaf crushes beneath my boot. 

I don't give a second thought to the fact that my shirt shapes me differently; that my hands curl around my dorm key defensivly just in case; that my pace is a bit faster after 8pm. 

Somedays I just go about my life, living it like a person.

This was not one of those days. 

Somedays I wake up to find that I am the embodiment of estrogen.

Somedays I am tits and ass, and everything in between.

Feminist fire; Vagina vixen; Out-spoken uterus; Gorgeous girl; Lovely lady; Woman. 

Sadly, this was not one of those days either. 

Today was just a day. 

Neither here nor there. 

Nowhere.

The past few days have been like this. I get up, go to classes, come back. Repeat. 

I've been clinging to conversations, leaching onto lectures and homework: things to distract me from the fact that I'm not---- I don't know, I'm just…not. 

It's not depression. 

Depression is a state of being: feeling: sense of despondensy and dejection. 

I'm not feeling. 

At least, I wasn't until tonight. 

Tonight was the crew preview for Anton In Showbuisness. 

Let start with the facts: 

1. It's late. I am physically incapable of doing anything except lying down and dying. 

2. I have never seen this show, so I am walking in blindly,  only being led by what little I have been told. So to my  knowledge, I was walking in expecting a light romp about sex, Chekov, and theatre.

3. I'm surrounded by three kinds of people: One, the kind that know what the fuck they are doing. Two, the kind that don't know what the fuck they are doing. And Three, Actors: who somehow miraculously know what they are doing as well as don't know what they are doing: both at the same time.

The show started off rather well: funny as all get-out, deep when it needed to be, and an altogether well thought-out performance. I had really enjoyed myself.

Until the final moment. 

The show was tied together through tiny vignettes of sound.  The woman, who played a naive girl (who played Irena in The Three Sisters, complicated work really: it was a play, within a play, within a play, etc.) was standing talking about how she doesn't know what to do now that the show is over. Or even if she will do anything. Or can do anything.

She lays down, and the song "It's a Man's, Man's, Man's World" comes on.

And I start hysterically balling.

Not my normal, laugh-cry: tears of sadness and joy shit. No.

It ripped a bullet through me: missing my important organs while still tearing me to pieces. 

I'm sitting in my seat, with six other people: half of them a bunch of guys--- and I am in tiny bits, hunched over in my seat nearly begging for mercy. 

I haven't cried this hard since my Junior year of high school. 

I'm sitting there in the Forum theatre just…crying. 

I hate that song. 

It's so beautiful, so rightfully sung: but I can't stand the tune. 

It reminds me of who I am. 

I'm a woman. 

I don't hate women, I love who I am---but sometimes I am pressed so close up to the glass ceiling that my face leaves oil marks on its surface. 

"You see, man made the car

To take us over the road
Man made the train 
To carry the heavy load
Man made the electrolight
To take us out of the dark
Man made the boat full of water
Like noah made the arc

This is a mans,mans,mans world
But it would be nothing, nothing
Without a woman or a girl"

This song reminds me of how I don't belong. It's a man's world. A world where they have made everything, and yet our place within it is to just exist. To not contribute. To just be within the man's idea of what is and what shouldn't be. 

And I know I don't fit because I can't accept that. 

The show was amazing: an all female cast, even calling out to the fact that several male characters are played by women just because they could be… 

But in the end--- when it's all over and done--- it's a man's world that we live in. 

A world where I have to pay attention to the way the shirt clings to my skin; a world where if I don't hold my keys between my hands then it's my fault (at least according to the police) that I get attacked on Mill Street, that I should walk faster at night because the night belongs to someone else. 

I want to wake up and just be. 

One day I'm gonna wake up and it's gonna be everyone's globe--- but I know it's not going to be tomorrow and that makes me not want to start the day at all.

I used to think that women were called women because we put the "woo!" in men---  

but the more I sat there in my seat, being eaten alive by the song--- I forgot. I forgot everything, turned to basic instincts and I just cried. 

The man…sorry, boy, besides me turns to my fellow crew: looks at me and points: "Oh hey, Hayley's crying her eyes out! Smile, it was a good play". 

I couldn't even look at him. 

He tried to tell me that he understood, but he didn't. Doesn't. 

I hate to play the part of jaded-lady but some people just won't understand. 

I needed to go home and write this down. 

Because I need to say this:

The way I feel? Sucks. 

And the way I allow myself to feel? Is unacceptable. 

It gets worse because there are other girls, ladies, sisters, mothers, women: all around the world who feel with me. Feel like me.

Who feel insignificant because of gender. Because its who they are. 

I shouldn't be ashamed of it. I am not ashamed of it… but I'm not okay with it either. 

A man's greatest fear is the fear that they will be treated the way they treat a woman… 

All the facts lead to that conclusion: the fact that the first thing we think about when we try to insult someone is to refer to them as a female: bitch, pussy,"like a girl", etc.

It's not okay. 

One day I'm going to change to the world. 

Me and 6 billion other girls will. 

It's a man's world, and it's a world I don't want to live in. 

… but I have to. 

Don't you see? I have to.

F*ck Rape Culture...and The Weather

Today I had the up-most privilege to lead the "F*ck Rape Culture" march throughout the town of Athens... in the rain.

When I had first heard about the march I was elated: to hear that woman, men, educators, and students are going to group together to bring light to such a horrible cultural epidemic just made me smile. 

Then I did research: 

F*ck Rape Culture is not the first of it's kind. It takes after mother organizations such as NY's "SlutWalk" and  "It's Your Fault" media (etc.) However, the march is rather new to OU; this is the second year that students have congregated to speak out about sexual harassment. Last year they had marched for freshmen sexual education and they achieved their goal. The goal to bring light to such a dark topic. It get's people talking.

To be honest, I planned on going there and just speaking my voice. I was not as involved as I wanted to be (or could have been due to classes), but when I got there I was just so overwhelmed with emotion. 

I was proud of my school.

So proud to see so many out there with their signs and stories bared on their sleeves. 

I went topless. 

That's right. ME. 

I've always been told that within the first year I would get naked...and I'm glad I stripped bare for a cause I care for. 

I wrote in eyeliner and lipstick: "I'M TAKING BACK MY BODY". And I think I did just that. 

I'm taking back my body, not taking it on my back. And I'm not going to take it anymore. 

A few reporters asked me if they could take my picture, and I didn't expect to become some sort of photo leader. I stood in the front, chest bare, and metaphorical guns blazing and I just felt so.... fulfilled. 

Me and some of my fellow classmates led the march to College green and then made a human barricade on the steps of the Alumni Archway as our fellow feminists spoke up about the sexual injustice of our campus as well as our culture. 

We are making a change and I am honored to be a part of that.

Welcome To College

First day. 

Dress smoothed out.

Hair done up.

Smile plastered on.

I put one foot in front of the other, looking straight out into the big new world that I am about to enter; so eager to start my new life, set new goals, make new friends, and meet new expectations. This time is going to be different: I have shed my awkward girl skin and have rose a confident butterfly from that Jersey cocoon I have called home for the past 17 years of my life. I take my first step...

AND of course fall down the stairs, landing butt up, showing my pink polka dot underwear to the sky as a big group of MFA theatre majors walk past me. 

Welcome to College.

Or should I say, welcome to Hayley Michelle Trachtenberg's experiences of college.

Let me start from the beginning: 

My name is Hayley Michelle Trachtenberg. 

And I am a klutzaphobic.

Klutzaphobia- (noun). To be Hayley Michelle Trachtenberg. To be klutzaphobic. To always be tripping, falling, slipping and or hurting oneself just by being alive. Accident prone: life-prone. See also: "putz", "stumblebum", and "lummox".

I've been living with klutzaphobia for 17 years: my entire life (tragic, really). But no doubt, I refuse to let the fact that I am no Grace Kelly hinder my growth as a person and as a playwright.

I am a lowly freshmen. 

Which sucks, because just a few weeks ago I was a highschool senior: which was awesome. Top of the food chain. Queen of the jungle. Leader of the pack.

.......

Okay, that's a lie. I was not any of those things.... I was middle-ish of the pack. Jester of the jungle, And comedic side-kick of the pack.

Still, my highschool experiences were those that I shall treasure forever. (Shout out to MCVTS: School of Arts!)

But now, I'm faced with the uncertainty of what college shall bring. 

I just went from social pent house to social basement. 

My mom told me that college is where you go to re-invent yourself.

She also told me that college is where nerds go to have sex, and then tried to hand me  condoms under the table as we ate burritos at Casa Nueva. 

But I don't think I'll be doing either of those things. 

It's taken me a while to accept who I am: goofy, but lovable, bitchy but ball-busting funny: me.

I'm not going to change that. 

Besides, if my life all of a sudden stopped being pathetically funny, you wouldn't be reading my blog, now would you?

So this blog will be dedicated to my epic failures, my grandiose trips down the physical and social ladders, and my under-dog like determination to  succeed at having an amazing college experience. 

Til next time.

Sincerely, 

Hayley Michelle Trachtenberg